


When you're not here I'm suffocating

by DeyaAmaya



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: A little angst, Birthday Cake, Birthday Fluff, But mostly fluff, Domestic Fluff, Fluff without Plot, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 18:55:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17473103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeyaAmaya/pseuds/DeyaAmaya
Summary: How was he still alive after being without Andrew for a month? Without his warmth and voice and scent?And his kisses.How could Neil live?





	When you're not here I'm suffocating

**Author's Note:**

  * For [paleromantic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/paleromantic/gifts).



> This is my first entry for Neilmas 2019! It's an event darling Aaron is hosting and it's amazing! I'm looking forward to making more fic/art and reading all the fics of this event. Go check out the other fics, they're awesome! Meanwhile, here's my Fluff without Plot, FWP? Fwoop?  
> Also gifting this to Aaron (IDK if that's allowed but still) cause you've been an amazing influence on my aftg writing. Thank you so much!

Winter wasn't a good time for Neil. Especially when he was out in the middle of fucking nowhere. Why the fuck had he agreed to go on a training camp?  
  
(He knew why. The resaon's name started with Kevin and ended with Day.)  
  
The training camp hosted all kinds of athletes, not just exy junkies like himself. Apart from a vigorous training regimen, the camp had made them practice hot yoga, mindfulness techniques as well as lessons about proper diet. Neil got back from the month long camp feeling strangely detached from his life. As if he was away from everything for a year rather than a month.  
  
It was snowing when he got back to the apartment. Staying in India through Christmas and New year was disconcerting. It also made him susceptible to cold like never before. Winter in Darjeeling was more like summer in Baltimore.  
  
Neil dropped off his bags and keys at the door, keeping the coat on. He looked in all the rooms before remembering the cats were with Darren, one of his more tolerable teammates.  
  
Daylight was receding from the windows as Neil threw the blinds open. He smoked a cigarette while remembering an annoying instructor recite all the horrible effects of nicotine.  
  
Neil smoked another out of spite.  
  
The act reminded him of Andrew, and he exhaled in a rush. Phones weren't allowed in the camp, some bullshit about dedication and concentration. Who knew where the man was now. Maybe he was at a game, maybe he was in Germany. Neil didn't even know what the date was. Such a long jet lag had turned his thoughts murky.  
  
Dropping the cigarettes and lighter on the bedside table, Neil took a quick shower. Then, felling cleaner but not better, he let himself fall into a deep sleep.  
  
                                                                                           ----------------  
  
Nathaniel wakes up cursing.  
  
Everything is dark, cold. Someone keeps hammering on the door.  
  
_Boom, boom, boom._  
  
Nathaniel is alone in the bed. Panic clogs his throat.  
  
Where is Mary? Where is Nathaniel, come to think of it? Why isn't there a gun under his pillow? Who-  
  
'Neil! Open the door!'  
  
_Andrew?_  
  
Neil fumbles in the dark, shoving off the heavy blanket and stumbling through to the main door. The switches don't work, _is there a power outage?_ It takes a minute to click open the deadbolts with his trembling hands, in which time Andrew is strangely quiet on the other side.  
  
The door falls open and Neil falls into Andrew, shivering.  
  
Andrew circles his arms around Neil and doesn't interrupt for a while. Then he's transferring them both inside the apartment's warmth, deposits Neil on the couch, wraps him in a blanket.  
  
Neil misses the furnace heat of Andrew's body as he moves away to stow his bags in a closet. How was he still alive after being without Andrew for a month. Without his warmth and voice and scent.  
  
And his kisses.  
  
How could Neil live?  
  
Andrew comes back to the couch with more blankets. Neil ends up on his lap, blankets included. Andrew fits a hand on his neck and the other on the small of his back. The quirk of his eyebrow is a clear question.  
  
'I'm fine,' Neil mummers. 'I was....  It was.... Nathaniel.'  
  
Andrew's hands tighten on him, tugging him closer, till Neil is engulfed in warmth from all directions. In this familiar space, the last few minutes are as insubstantial as so much fog.  
  
'You're Neil Josten, you're home, you're safe,' Andrew tilts up his chin. 'Nathaniel is dead.'  
  
Neil smiles against his collarbone.  
  
'Okay.'  
  
                                                                                             ---------------  
  
Andrew has driven for hours to come to Neil, only to find the idiot in fresh panic.  
  
Years and years after Baltimore, Andrew was now comfortable to admit that the last month without Neil was hell. He'd slept poorly, woken up every few hours to reach for his phone, only to remember Neil's phone was turned off and thrown inside his closet somewhere.  
  
But, it looks like Neil had suffered more.  
  
Andrew sorts through the takeout menus, thinking all his choices through, picking everything thinking of Neil.  
  
Well, almost everything.  
  
He's on the phone when Neil calls his name from the bathroom, saying his bath was ready.  
  
Andrew got off the call and put the Phone on the bed. Then he really looks up and spots Neil.  
  
And the candles.  
  
There's candles of various size and shape on every possible surface of the bathroom. The sink, the toilet cover, the shampoo racks, soap stands and even the pipes.  
  
And in the middle of it all, his idiot. Candle light sliding on his skin and hair like molten gold. The bath is steaming up and curling his hair, putting a flush on his face, and Andrew is suddenly awash with-  
  
_Love, relief, peace._  
  
Not that he'll ever say it out loud.

He kisses Neil instead, who's warm under his hands. Andrew pulls back after a while.  
  
'You're cleaning up all the wax after,' he mutters darkly.  
  
Neil laughs.  
  
                                                                                     ----------------  
  
Neil ventures out to the kitchen while Andrew washes off traces of his long travel. He calls the building maintenance,  who promise the electricity will be back soon, a few hours at most.  
  
Truth is, Neil doesn't mind the darkness as much, now that the edge of blind panic has left him alone. He light candles in every room, leaving a trail of flickering light and various mingling scents. Andrew would appreciate it. All the scented candles smell sweet, like chocolates and ice cream flavors.  
  
He's carefully making sure his flat won't burn out when the doorbell rings. Neil picks up Andrew's wallet and goes to the door. The delivery person is flushed and sweating, a mountain of boxes on him. Neil belatedly realizes that his flat is on the 14th floor and the elevator's not working. He's still apologizing when they leave with a generous tip.  
  
Andrew looks more relaxed now, changed into a pair of thick sweats and a large hoodie that probably belonged to Kevin or Matt once. His hair is sticking up and Neil nuzzles into it, taking in the familiar citrusy smell of his shampoo.  
  
Andrew snakes an arm around his waist and opens the container of spring rolls with the other hand. Neil spots a cake box among the Chinese takeouts.  
  
'Andrew, you can't eat so much cake!' he admonishes. 'You'll make yourself sick.' The box is so big, it's at least four pounds of cake, and surely full of sugar, since Andrew ordered it. Neil is imagining a the enraged spluttering they'll receive from Kevin when his eyes stop on the frosting.  
  
It's a blue cake with white frosting. There are words on the frosting that stops his train of thoughts.  
  
'The cake.... It's....  My birthday?'  
  
Andrew's rolling his eyes and slapping a hand on his face simultaneously. 'Why do I put up with the world's biggest dumbass? Yes, It's your birthday. Congratulations. You lived to be 21.'  
  
Neil feels himself dissolving in a fit of giggles. He's so happy, he could float away if Andrew wasn't anchoring him down.  
  
'Where's my present?' he asks playfully.  
  
'Your present is your life. I won't kill you tonight, so enjoy it while you can.'  
  
Neil laughs again, leaning on Andrew. He knows full well that there's a stash of presents somewhere in Andrew's bags, or tickets to vacation, or maybe both.  
  
But nothing beats this, this moment, here in the candlelit kitchen that is just his and Andrew's. The food forgotten, they kiss for what feels like hours, till Neil is dizzy with it. There aren't the other Foxes to entertain, no press to deal with, no call from the Hatfords. Just Neil and the man he loves. That's enough. That's enough for a lifetime.  
  
'Thank you,' he tells Andrew, whose fingers are running like a prayer along Neil's scars. He doesn't stay anything, just pulls Neil down for another agonizingly soft kiss.  
  
  
Best. Birthday. _Ever_.

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on tumblr! I'm Andreil-Minyasten.


End file.
